Essays

STAY POSITIVE!! They barked compliments at her and listed all the things that she had to be grateful for (scraping the barrel somewhat, she thought). She worried they’d bring in a line of American cheerleaders waving giant pom poms and chanting her name.KEEP SMILING!! “I’m not smiling,” she pointed out.LOOK ON THE BRIGHT SIDE!! COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS!! “But at the moment,” she tried to explain, “I am on the dark side and counting my curses.”COME OUT!! HAVE SOME FUN!! they screamed. “But I am wallowing alone in my rage, self-pity and sadness. I’ll come out another time.” (“Can’t a woman have a break from being fucking cheerful?” she wondered.)YOU MUST LOOK AFTER YOURSELF!! “No thank you, I don’t want a smoothie. I have a 12 can pack of Guinness and 8 Magnums. (Both very reasonable in Iceland today)”YOU ARE A STRONG, BEAUTIFUL WOMAN!! “Actually today I am very weak and I look like shit.”AT LEAST TURN THE LIGHTS ON!! “It’s OK,” she replied, “I want it dark. I have two candles, one to see by and one to light my fags with.”NOT BEING FUNNY…BUT YOUR HOUSE IS A MESS!! “Yes,” she agreed, “it is a shithole.”YOU NEED TO GET OUT AND MEET PEOPLE!! I KNOW THIS BLOKE… “Please go now.”