A Christmas Story

 She’d only gone in for carrots and sprouts
(She’d heard they were 29p
For the festive period, not bad at all
Thought she’d have some with her tea
 
She crept through giant tinsel
A neon flashing Hell
American accents on repeat
Wailed a jazzed-up “Jingle Bells”
 
Vision blurred, she weaved around
Mountains of swaying crates
Of Christmas tree–shaped biscuit tubs
Blocking all escape
 
A life-sized blow-up Santa Claus
Rubbing himself, growled “HoHoHo!
Get into the spirit or else!
(I see everything you know)”
 
A furry reindeer with a nodding head
Somehow knew her name
“Your life is shit but you can spend your way
Out of the guilt and shame…
 
..Participate,” he sneered,
Don’t let down the team.”
THEY’RE TRYING TO BAN CHRISTMAS!
A pile of newspapers screamed
 
Then a plastic Jesus, from his box
Beckoned as she tried to leave
Whispering, “Overturn the tables, Go on!
This is a Den of Thieves.”
 
She pushed down the displays
Maybe three or four
Sparkly products were strewn all
Across the aisle floor
 
Packs of plastic mistletoe
A chocolate nativity scene
”Sexy Santa dresses”
A child began to scream….
 
Feeling a little better
She went to push one more,
And a kind but tired security man
Led her to the door

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